It’s the new year and it seems like everyone is changing careers or jobs.
And it got me thinking about what I would say, if I could say what I really wanted to say in response to those stupid questions asked in interviews….Senior Manager: Why do you want this job?
Because my current one is fucked, I hate the people I work with and this job pays a shitload more.SM: What can you bring to this company?SC:
Umm….. well…. oh yeah.... ah no, nah, not much really. SM: Give me 3 Strengths.
1. I work well with others as long as they are not complete fucking idiots, and/or Kiwis.
2. I’m extremely productive, for about 15 minutes after my double-shot flat-white kicks in every morning.
3. I will try and drink more than anyone else at company Christmas parties, functions and other work-related social gatherings. Or is that a weakness?SM: Give me 3 Weaknesses.
1. Secretaries – I hope the company doesn’t have good-looking secretaries, as I have been known to run off with them in the past.
2. Don’t expect any work from me on a Monday, or on a Friday afternoon or anytime after I’ve had a few drinks at lunch.
3. I like to have a few drinks at lunch every day.SM: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? And in 10 years?
In 5 years, doing your job*. In 10 years, retired.
(*Actually said in a video-conference job interview with my potential future boss in Hong Kong. And yes got the job!)SM: What sort of salary are you looking at?SC:
Something that will pay for a Porsche 911, keep my coke habit going and pay for any illegitimate kids that surface over the coming years.SM: What are your outside Interests?SC:
Drinking, surfing, recreational drugs, drinking all day at the cricket, sleeping, porn, but most importantly, just enjoying the fact that I am not at work.SM: You've got the job - when can you start?SC:
Well, how about I'll just turn up in a few weeks when I feel like it, providing I'm not hungover, with a 'lady-friend' or the weather outside is nice.
Oh and if its raining I won't be in either.