Realistic Job Interview
It’s the new year and it seems like everyone is changing careers or jobs.
And it got me thinking about what I would say, if I could say what I really wanted to say in response to those stupid questions asked in interviews….
Senior Manager: Why do you want this job?
SurferCam: Because my current one is fucked, I hate the people I work with and this job pays a shitload more.
SM: What can you bring to this company?
SC: Umm….. well…. oh yeah.... ah no, nah, not much really.
SM: Give me 3 Strengths.
SC: 1. I work well with others as long as they are not complete fucking idiots, and/or Kiwis.
2. I’m extremely productive, for about 15 minutes after my double-shot flat-white kicks in every morning.
3. I will try and drink more than anyone else at company Christmas parties, functions and other work-related social gatherings. Or is that a weakness?
SM: Give me 3 Weaknesses.
SC: 1. Secretaries – I hope the company doesn’t have good-looking secretaries, as I have been known to run off with them in the past.
2. Don’t expect any work from me on a Monday, or on a Friday afternoon or anytime after I’ve had a few drinks at lunch.
3. I like to have a few drinks at lunch every day.
SM: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? And in 10 years?
SC: In 5 years, doing your job*. In 10 years, retired.
(*Actually said in a video-conference job interview with my potential future boss in Hong Kong. And yes got the job!)
SM: What sort of salary are you looking at?
SC: Something that will pay for a Porsche 911, keep my coke habit going and pay for any illegitimate kids that surface over the coming years.
SM: What are your outside Interests?
SC: Drinking, surfing, recreational drugs, drinking all day at the cricket, sleeping, porn, but most importantly, just enjoying the fact that I am not at work.
SM: You've got the job - when can you start?
SC: Well, how about I'll just turn up in a few weeks when I feel like it, providing I'm not hungover, with a 'lady-friend' or the weather outside is nice.
Oh and if its raining I won't be in either.
posted by surfercam @ 2:47 pm
8 Comments:
Hell yeah, thems the things we all wanna say in interviews. My best line that I did use was this..when asked why they oughta hire me at that particular establishment..I said, "Well, you have, as I can see, about 25 copies of my resume there..and every fortnight I plan on sending another one until I get the position. So I do believe you should hire me now". :) I got the job, 100 interviewed for 8 positions :)
boys seem to get away with saying such crazy things in job interviews. Imagine if a girl said 5 years your job, 10 years retired - everyone would think she was a complete psycho bitch
I wanna get rid of my PA Moronica, you can have the job if you promise to buy me drinks at lunchtime too.
I once sat through an interview where all she asked about was leave. Whether I planned on taking any, whether I took study leave, how much sick leave I usually took, whether I used much annual leave. Eventually she asked me whether there was any religious leave I needed, and I answered with Why, do you know of any good religious holidays I should take?
Still got the job. Somehow.
Brilliant! In an ideal world hey...
Brilliant. I wish I'd thought to say in 5 years your job. Because I'll sure as hell be doing it.
I had a similar job interview once and said sort of those same things.
However, it was a job interview within the company (recruiting to another dep) and I kind of went against my will. Also, I really wanted them to not hire me.
It worked!
Caz - Well Done!
Killer - very true.
Steph - Sign me up, I can start in about a few weeks when I feel like it....
Mel - I would have walked out.
Julia - yeah exactly.
Amanda - That's why I said it!
Lusty - always the way.
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