I'm back....

...although you probably didn't know I was away.
Anyway, I have just spent a week "roughing it" in Noosa with all the other rich families from Brisbane. (a) I'm not rich; and (b) thankfully not from Brisbane.
The first night of my holidays - the first day I have had off in a year - was absolutely ruined by the inconsiderate English arseholes that stayed in the room next to us.
First of all, they came home at 11pm slamming doors that woke us up.
Secondly, they started slamming each other - sexually. And I don't mean a quick and quiet bonk, he absolutely hammered her and she went at it like she was trying out for a new role in Backdoor Bonaza III! And on and on and on and on it went.
It finally stopped.
Then Thirdly, they started slamming each other - physically!
With calls clearly heard through the wall such as "you fucking arsehole, you've broken my nose", "look at you, you deranged bitch, you've got blood and bruises all over you", and "you raped me you fucking bastard!" I had just a bit of trouble getting back to sleep.
I found her last comment about "you raped me you fucking bastard!" a little bit hard to believe, as only half an hour earlier she was moaning and groaning like I have never heard a woman moan and groan - not even in 'the movies'.
At midnight, we'd had enough and called front desk who called security.
Security finished their coffee and doughnuts and turned up at 12.30am - just as the lovers/fighters where having a 5 minute break between killings themselves.
At 1am, we called front desk who called security again. This time when security turned up, the lovers/fighters where in full force and security heard it all.
Security told them to shut up, and luckily they did.
I would like to have seen what security had seen.
The next morning we spotted them checking out early - before I had a chance to abuse the shit out of them.
The rest of the holiday was great - not being at work, not having to shave every day - I'm in heaven.