Making the average day more interesting... That's me below in the green, snogging the Pig. We've all snogged a few pigs in our lives.

Monday, December 22, 2008

2008 – A Year in Review

As the festive season is about to begin, and work ends, I rarely shower or shave, drink way to much and eat like a pig, I thought it time to have a look back on yet another year.

Worst Days :
1. Finding out our baby might have some problems.
2. A very close family friend passing away.
3. Getting violently ill in Shanghai.

Best Days :
1. Finding out our baby was going to be ok.
2. Holidaying in Italy.
3. Holidaying in Hong Kong.

Best thing in BlogLand – the arrival of BoBo
Worst thing in BlogLand – the retirement of Steph and idiotic people hassling other bloggers.

Other Notes :
Work – Hasn’t gone according to plan. Very disappointing.
Friends – they are disappearing - keep moving overseas or interstate.
Fitness – what’s that?
Surfing – have been about 10 times this year. Not good.

Oh well, Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!

See you in 2009!

Thursday, December 18, 2008

SurferCam’s Top 10 Christmas Tips

1. Avoid carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrots on a holiday buffet table
knows nothing of the **Christmas spirit**. In fact, if you see carrots,
leave immediately. Go next door, where they're serving rum balls.**

2. Drink as much eggnog as you can. And quickly. It's rare.. You cannot
find it any other time of year but now. So drink up! Who cares that it has
10,000 calories in every sip? It's not as if you're going to turn into an
eggnog-alcoholic or something. It's a treat. Enjoy it. Have one for me.
Have two. It's later than you think. It's Christmas!

3. If something comes with gravy, use it. That's the whole point of gravy.
Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed
potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the volcano. Repeat.

4. As for mashed potatoes, always ask if they're made with skim milk or
whole milk. If it's skim, pass. Why bother? It's like buying a sports car
with an automatic transmission.

5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your
eating. The whole point of going to a Christmas party is to eat other
people's food for free. Lots of it. Hello?

6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year's.
You can do that in January when you have nothing else to do. This is the
time for long naps, which you'll need after circling the buffet table while
carrying a 10-pound plate of food and that vat of eggnog.

7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted
Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near
them and don't budge. Have as many as you can before becoming the center of
attention. They're like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind,
you're never going to see them again.

8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. Or if you
don't like mincemeat, have two apples and one pumpkin. Always have three.
When else do you get to have more than one dessert?

9. Did someone mention fruitcake? Granted, it's loaded with the mandatory
celebratory calories, but avoid it at all cost. I mean, have some standards.

10. One final tip: If you don't feel terrible when you leave the party or
get up from the table, you haven't been paying attention. Re-read tips;
start over, but hurry, January is just around the corner.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

A favourite pastime

Wherever I have worked around the world, I’ve always played this game of giving people I don’t know, a nickname.
I’m not sure why, call me an observationist (if that is a word), call me a bitch, call me what you like, but I think it’s fun.

Here are some of the people that work in my building :

The Most Beautiful Girl in the World - I call her that because she thinks she is, but she certainly isn’t – she’d be lucky to be a 5 out of 10. And smoking a pack or two a day is not sexy either.

Mimi – remember Mimi from The Drew Carey Show, well this girl is the spitting image of her, with a little less makeup. Every time I get in the lift with her, I have to stop myself from pissing my pants laughing at her.

Madonna Man – previously mentioned on this blog, this guy has a chain around his neck with the word Madonna on it, a thing hanging off his mobile with a picture of Madonna on it and, best of all, the word Madonna tattooed on his arm and a picture of her tattooed above it. And guess what – from what I can tell, he’s not even gay!

Barbie – this girl looks like an actual living, walking, talking Barbie doll. The resemblance is uncanny – she is quite tall, thin, blonde and her face is a perfect match for a Barbie doll. She truly is amazing and a bit freaky at the same time.

The Most Annoying Person in the World – unfortunately I have been in the lift with this woman a few times and I have to do everything in my willpower not to stab her to death with my mobile phone. She mid-40’s, dresses like she is on acid or colour blind or both, and has to know everyone’s business.

Hairy-Grub Eyebrows – you know those hairy grubs you see in your garden, well there’s a woman in this building who has two black bushy hairy grubs permanently mating on her forehead. They standout even more because she is blonde, and they are black. She freaks me out – well, the 'grubs' do.

The Rocker – Mid-50’s bloke, dresses and acts like he’s just got off stage. I have to stop myself from shouting “Where’s the rest of the band?”

INXS – there’s a guy here that looks exactly like the saxa-mo-phone player from INXS. I want to ask him to play the solo from “Never tear us apart”.

Big Head – She’s actually quite attractive, dresses really nicely and has massive boobs, but her head is gigantic! You see her and have to stop yourself from going “Whoah! I’m not getting in the lift with that!”

Grandpa Munster – except she’s female, but she has the exact same lips and nose as Grandpa Munster. Maybe she’s his long lost granddaughter…

And then there are the people that work for a government that’s in the building, where the following is acceptable at their work – dreadlocks, wearing boardshorts, wearing t-shirts, pierced-lips, pierced eye-brows etc etc.
I wish I could get a job there….

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Australian Movies

Don’t get me wrong, I love Aussie Movies, including most of those mentioned below.

But people often wonder why Australian Movies don’t perform all that well.

Gee, is it really that hard to work out?

We (Australia) make weird movies, or they are targeted at a very small segment of the market, that’s why.

Priscilla Queen of the Desert – Drag Queens riding around on a bus.
Romper Stomper – Skinheads bashing everyone and anyone.
Muriel’s Wedding – Werido chick who tries on wedding dresses.
Strictly Ballroom – no, not the porn version, the movie about ballroom dancing.
Kenny – The guy who cleans dunnies for a living.
The Castle – A family that enjoys living next to the airport.

And the ‘best’ of all :
Bad Boy Bubby – now tell me that’s not the most fucked up movie you've ever seen!

And the other thing about Australian Movies is that they all have the same actors.
You can’t make a movie in Australia without Bill Hunter – it’s the law!

What other Aussie movies fit into this category?

Monday, December 08, 2008


Schoolies is over for another year. Thank God!

One of the pitfalls of working right in the middle of Surfers Paradise is have to endure the annual drink-till-you-spew and pash-anyone-in-sight fest, known as Schoolies Week.

For those playing at home who don’t live in Oz, Schoolies Week the week at the end of your final year at school, where you and your friends get an apartment for a week and drink yourself stupid, rarely eat or sleep, and end up getting it on with strangers or that person in your class you’ve been eyeing-off since grade 8, and now that you’re both drunk, finally have the guts to hit on.

Some of the interesting articles I’ve read about Schoolies week so far :

Morning After Pill - Pharmacies in Surfers Paradise have reported triple the number of sales of the morning-after pill during this year's Schoolies Festival – nice one girls.

– some poor kid has contracted this awful disease. Some of the symptoms to look out for are nausea, vomiting and headaches – mmm I bet no-one at Schoolies would be suffering from any of those…

Injured – Two teenagers were injured in a minor car accident – Why? Because they were laying in the back of a ute being driven around town when it crashed.

Schoolies Religion Camp – a Camp for religious people where there is no drinking, no smoking and no kissing or sex – I have already booked in my 6 year old daughter for when she does Schoolies Week in 2020.

Friday, December 05, 2008

Nothing Better!

There is nothing better than going into a bottle shop and doing your shopping with a trolley.

Yesterday I bought the following :

- Carton of Carlton Draught
- Carton of Heineken
- Carton of Tooheys Extra Dry
- A Heineken Keg
- A bottle of Vodka
- A 6pack of mini vodka bottles

That should get me through the rest of the week....

Wednesday, December 03, 2008

Girl + Boobs + Surfboard = SurferCam in Love

Tuesday, December 02, 2008

Disgusted – Part II

The other day I brought you the story about the car crash.

Well check out what happened on the day BEFORE the accident :

“The 18-year-old driver was also charged with two counts of dangerous driving, two counts of evading police, two counts of unlicensed driving and two counts of unregistered vehicle relating to incidents which allegedly took place last Friday, the day before the fatal smash.”

Why was he allowed back out on the roads!