What I learnt on the weekend.

Saturday night was a fancy dress party for a very good friend’s 30th Birthday.
It was at a restaurant, then a bar / pub, then a nightclub in Surfers.
I went dressed as a nerd.
And this is what I learnt :

- Going out without the Pink Mafia (partner) will ensure that you drink way too many drinks.
- I am not 18 or even 21 or even in my 20’s. Therefore, after a big night, you will suffer for at least the next 48 hours.
- Being dressed as a nerd in a busy trendy nightclub, will earn you lots of attention.
- Being dressed as a nerd in a busy trendy nightclub, will NOT help you with the ladies.
- You never have any troubles with the Bouncers, because they are too busy laughing at your outfit.
- Running into business associates and relatives while dressed as a nerd is not a good look.
- At 3am, when you suddenly realise that you have lost the Pink Mafia’s very expensive Gucci reading glasses (part of nerd outfit), you will become instantly sober.
- After having a heart attack because of lost glasses, a strange girl will come up to you, ask “Are you looking for these?” reach into her cleavage and proceed to pull pair of Gucci glasses out of her bra.
- You hug said girl and thank her profusely for returning them, but also wondering how they ended up in there in the first place…
- You offer her a drink to say thanks but she declines and disappears into the night.
- You check your wallet and have not a cent and are then glad she refused a drink.
- Elated but now very sober, you realise that it’s definitely time to go home.
- You wish that you had taken up that offer of a lift home from one of your friends, but instead you decided that you needed ‘just one more drink’.
- Exiting the nightclub, you see the cab rank is 100 metres long and not moving.
- Now you REALLY wish you had taken up that offer of a lift.
- After saying “fuck that” to the cab rank, you start walking towards home and out of sheer luck you hail a cab 1 block into a 20km trip back home.
- You almost kiss the cabbie because you are so stoked not to have had to wait for over an hour in the cab rank.
- Upon getting home at 4am, the Pink Mafia has locked the house and not wanting to wake the Monkey, decide to sleep the night in the Monkey’s cubby house.
- The carpet it in the Cubby house is no substitute for a bed.
- Your pet Labrador is no substitute for a blanket, and even though he was very warm, his snoring and bad breath was not that comforting.
- After an hour of drunken sleep, you wake at 5am and have the shits and try and break into the house.
- The Pink Mafia finally wakes, lets you in and comments that I can’t believe you’re only getting home now at 5am.
- You pass out in the Man-Cave (spare bedroom) and hope that the world ends between now and sun-up.
- It doesn’t, and Sunday is the longest day of your life.

I’m never going out again…..