Making the average day more interesting... That's me below in the green, snogging the Pig. We've all snogged a few pigs in our lives.
Friday, December 21, 2007
Monday, December 17, 2007
Monday Morning Funny
A fleeing Taliban, desperate for water, was plodding
through Afghanistan desert when he saw something far off
in the distance.
Hoping to find water, he hurried toward the object, only
to find a little old Jew at a small stand selling ties.
The Taliban asked, "Do you have water?"
The Jew replied, "I have no water. Would you like to buy
a tie? They are only $5."
The Taliban shouted, "Idiot! I do not need an overpriced
tie. I need Water! I should kill you, but I must find water first."
"OK," said the old Jew, "it does not matter that you do
not want to buy a tie and that you hate me. I will show
you that I am bigger than that.
If you continue over that hill to the east for about two
miles, you will find a lovely restaurant. It has all the
ice cold water you need. Shalom."
Muttering to himself, the Taliban staggered away over the hill.
Several hours later he staggered back.
"Your fucking brother won't let me in without a tie."
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
Not much happening here...
A few weird things I have seen lately :
- A Jewish guy in full Jewish outfit, long black coat, skullcap and long curly sideburns, but on his feet he was wearing a bright blue pair of Crocs.
- A homeless guy who pulled out some cash from his pocket. Not only were there several $5 and $10 notes, but he also had a few $50 notes! I felt like asking HIM for some change!
- A guy about 70 years old giving me the finger because I accidentally cut him off. I didn’t know Septuagenarians knew about 'the finger' !
- A woman parking a van on a hill, gets out and the van starts rolling down the hill. She then stands in front of the van to try and stop it. Luckily she doesn’t get run over and decides to get into the van to stop it.
- Warick Capper is 'doing' the woman who lives next door to my Mum. (people outside Oz won't know who he is, but he was a great Aussie Rules Football player. Now he's an idiot.)
Monday, December 10, 2007
Last Friday I was invited to Christmas Party.
The following things may or may not have happened :
- First beer at 9am.
- Last beer 6pm.
- At least one bottle of beer in my hand all day.
- 40 blokes going nuts all day long in the sun.
- 3 Strippers turning up at lunchtime.
- 30 blokes and 1 stripper playing rugby on the beach.
- Bruising on my leg the size of someone’s head.
- Nearly breaking my fingers.
- A boat owner abusing me for coming within metres of his boat while doing about 60 kmph on a Jet Ski.
- Cutting my nose on said Jet Ski.
Thursday, December 06, 2007
Oldie but a goodie
A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.
"You know what?" says the 7 year old, "I think it's about time we started swearing."
The 4 year old nods his head in approval.
The 7 year old says "When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm going to swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'
"Ok' the 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.
The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.
"Oh shit mum, I suppose I'll have some Coco Pops.”
WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.
She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice,
"And what do YOU want for breakfast young man?".
"I don't know," he blubbers, "but it won't be fucking Coco Pops."
Monday, December 03, 2007
Ever been absolutely shit-scared and elated all within a nanosecond?
That was me yesterday.
As I headed out to surf alone on a stretch of beach with not a single soul in the water as far as I could see, and the last words said to me was “watch out for any sharks”, I was a bit apprehensive about paddling out the back for a surf.
But I paddled out and watched every shadow and piece of seaweed.
After a few waves I began to relax, then all of a sudden, out of nowhere and only 10 feet in front of me came three dark figures in the water, then 3 fins popped up out of the water. I shit myself, then when the dolphins popped their heads up to have a look at me, was completely elated and relieved. It all happened in a split second.
They came within 6 feet of me which was pretty cool. I just wish they hadn’t scared the crap out of me to come say “hi”... lucky I was wearing my brown boardshorts…