Ultimate Cricket Sledging

With the Ashes starting today, I thought I would post the Ultimate Cricket Sledges.
Even if you're not a cricket fan you will find these pretty funny.
Enjoy!

Rod Marsh & Ian Botham:
When Botham took guard in an Ashes match, Marsh welcomed him to the
wicket with the immortal words: "So how's your wife & my kids?"

Daryll Cullinan & Shane Warne:
As Cullinan was on his way to the wicket, Warne told him he had been
waiting 2 years for another chance to humiliate him.
"Looks like you spent it eating," Cullinan retorted.

Glenn McGrath & Eddo Brandes:
After Brandes played & missed at a McGrath delivery, the Aussie bowler
politely enquired: "Oi, Brandes, why are you so fat?"
Brandes : "Cos every time I fuck your wife she gives me a biscuit!"

Robin Smith & Merv Hughes:
During 1989 Lords Test Hughes said to Smith after he played &
missed: "You can't fucking bat".
Smith to Hughes after he smacked him to the boundary:
"Hey Merv, we make a fine pair. I can't fucking bat & you can't fucking
bowl."

Merv Hughes & Javed Miandad:
During 1991 Adelaide Test, Javed called Merv a fat bus conductor. A
few balls latter Merv dismissed Javed.
"Tickets please", Merv called out as he ran past the departing batsman.

Merv Hughes & Viv Richards:
During a test match in the West Indies, Hughes didn't say a word to
Viv, but continued to stare at him after deliveries.
Viv : "This is my island, my culture. Don't you be staring at me. In my culture we just
bowl."
Merv didn't reply, but after he dismissed him he announced to the batsman: "In my culture we just say fuck off."

Ricky Ponting & Shaun Pollock:
After going past the outside edge with a couple of deliveries, Pollock
told Ponting: "It's red, round & weighs about 5 ounces." Unfortunately
for Pollock, the next ball was hammered out of the ground..
Ponting to Pollock: "You know what it looks like, now go find it."

Ian Healy and Arjuna Ranatunga (I)
Ian Healy's legendary comment when the fat Sri Lankan captain Arjuna Ranatunga called for a runner on a particularly hot night during a one-dayer in Sydney.
Heals : "You don't get a runner for being an overweight, unfit, fat c**t!!!"

Mark Waugh and Adam Parore
Mark Waugh standing at second slip, the new player Adam Parore comes to the crease and plays and misses the first ball.
Mark - "Ohh, I remember you from a couple years ago in Australia. You were shit then, you're fucking useless now".
Adam Parore - (Turning around) "Yeah, that's me & when I was there you were going out with that old, ugly slut & now I hear you've married her. You dumb c**t".

Glenn McGrath and Ramnaresh Sarwan:
McGrath to Ramnaresh Sarwan: “So what does Brian Lara’s dick taste like?”
Sarwan: “I don’t know. Ask your wife.”
McGrath (losing it): “If you ever fucking mention my wife again, I’ll fucking rip your fucking throat out.”

Ian Healy and Arjuna Ranatunga (II)
Yet another Australian witticism with this time porky Sri Lankan batsman Arjuna Ranatunga the victim. Shane Warne, trying to tempt the batsman out of his crease mused what it took to get the plump character to get out of his crease and drive. Wicketkeeper Ian Healy piped up, “Put a Mars Bar on a good length. That should do it.”

Ravi Shastri and the Aussie 12th man
Shastri hits it to this guy and looks for a single…this guy gets the ball in and says, “if you leave the crease I’ll break your fucking head!”
Shastri: “If you could bat as well as you can talk you wouldn’t be the fucking 12th man”

Malcolm Marshall and David Boon
Malcolm Marshall was bowling to David Boon who had played and missed a couple of times. Marshall : “Now David, Are you going to get out now or am I going to have to bowl around the wicket and kill you?”

Fred Trueman and Raman Subba Row
Fred Trueman bowling. The batsman edges and the ball goes to first slip, and right between Raman Subba Row’s legs. Fred doesn’t say a word. At the end of the over, Row ambles past Trueman and apologises sheepishly. “I should’ve kept my legs together, Fred”.
“So should your mother,” he replied.

Adam Parore and Daryll Cullinan
Because Cullinan is well known for being Warne's bunny, New Zealand keeper Parore greeted the South African, carefully playing the first ball from Kiwi Chris Harris, with a cry of: "Bowled Warnie!".

James Ormond and Mark Waugh
Ormond had just come out to bat on an Ashes tour and was greeted by Mark Waugh...
Mark "Fuck me, look who it is. Mate, what are you doing out here? There's no way you're god enough to play for England".
Ormond replied: "Maybe not, but at least I'm the best cricketer in my family".