Slinkies

Some people are like slinkies :
They don't have a purpose,
But they still bring a smile to your face
when you push them down the stairs.

I know I've posted this before, but I couldn't help it.
I saw it again yesterday and just had to re-post it.

NEXT BLOG

Has anyone ever clicked on NEXT BLOG and actually found a random blog that is :
a) In English
b) Not trying to sell something
c) Not Geeky
d) Not relgious
e) actually interesting

Junk Mail Subject Heading of the week :

“Wake up your one-eyed monster!”

But I didn’t know it was asleep?
Or it was a monster for that matter!

The spam goes on to say things like :

“Be a supermacho!”

“Charge your ramrod for 110% and have a lifetime fiesta.”

“Guaranteed lightning speed worldwide delivery.”

So I’ll see how long “Guaranteed lightning speed” takes….

What it means to be Australian

In yesterday’s post, Mars asked me what it means to be Australian.
So here’s my take on it.
- Looking after you mates.
- Being kind and thoughtful to others.
- Inviting friends and strangers alike, into your life and your home.
- Like the Diggers of Anzac Cove, having a go and not backing down.
- Embracing others.
- Multi-culturalism
- Utilising our wonderful beaches, and exploring the outback.
- Being a country of pissheads, and being proud of it – I mean what other country has their former head of state holding the world yard-glass skulling record (Bob Hawke for those who don’t know).
- Rising from a penal colony full of convicts to becoming one of the greatest countries in the world.
- Having a limited population but unending supply of successful business people, sporting super stars and international talents.
- Having animals that don’t exist anywhere else in the world.
- Playing cricket in your back yard or swimming in your own pool.
- Safely riding your bikes in the street.
- Building cubby houses in the bush.
- Belting cane toads (although that probably Queenslanders only).
- Driving in the country and seeing kangaroos hoping around.
- Fantastic weather.

And that's just the tip of the iceberg...

Aussie Flag

In 1993 I moved to American and lived for 2 years.
I couldn’t believe how patriotic they were. The Stars and Stripes were everywhere – outside buildings, schools, Universities and even out the front of many people’s houses.
Looking at this, I often thought how un-patriotic we (Australians) were – you rarely saw the Australian flag anywhere, let alone out the front of people’s houses.

In recent years I think we have thankfully become extremely patriotic.
Unfortunately I think it has come about from September 11 and world-wide terrorism.
But it is great, the patriotism, that is, and about time. We have the best country in the world and we should be bloody proud.

Australians, wear, show, fly your Australian flag wherever and whenever you feel like it.

Captain Obvious

I got sunburnt on Saturday, really sunburnt and it really fucking hurt.

Throughout the rest of the weekend I had at least 5 people say to me "gee your sunburnt".
I felt like saying :
- "Oh I wondered why my back was so hot - I thought it was on fire!"
- "Is that pain from being sunburnt - I thought someone had poured acid on my back."
- "Really? Where?" and when they point at my back I'd spend the next 5 minutes running around in a a circle (Homer Simpson-style) trying to look at my back.

But what did I say was :
"Yes, yes it is."

Realistic Job Interview

It’s the new year and it seems like everyone is changing careers or jobs.
And it got me thinking about what I would say, if I could say what I really wanted to say in response to those stupid questions asked in interviews….

Senior Manager: Why do you want this job?
SurferCam: Because my current one is fucked, I hate the people I work with and this job pays a shitload more.

SM: What can you bring to this company?
SC: Umm….. well…. oh yeah.... ah no, nah, not much really.

SM: Give me 3 Strengths.
SC: 1. I work well with others as long as they are not complete fucking idiots, and/or Kiwis.
2. I’m extremely productive, for about 15 minutes after my double-shot flat-white kicks in every morning.

3. I will try and drink more than anyone else at company Christmas parties, functions and other work-related social gatherings. Or is that a weakness?

SM: Give me 3 Weaknesses.
SC: 1. Secretaries – I hope the company doesn’t have good-looking secretaries, as I have been known to run off with them in the past.

2. Don’t expect any work from me on a Monday, or on a Friday afternoon or anytime after I’ve had a few drinks at lunch.

3. I like to have a few drinks at lunch every day.

SM: Where do you see yourself in 5 years? And in 10 years?
SC: In 5 years, doing your job*. In 10 years, retired.
(*Actually said in a video-conference job interview with my potential future boss in Hong Kong. And yes got the job!)

SM: What sort of salary are you looking at?
SC: Something that will pay for a Porsche 911, keep my coke habit going and pay for any illegitimate kids that surface over the coming years.

SM: What are your outside Interests?
SC: Drinking, surfing, recreational drugs, drinking all day at the cricket, sleeping, porn, but most importantly, just enjoying the fact that I am not at work.

SM: You've got the job - when can you start?
SC: Well, how about I'll just turn up in a few weeks when I feel like it, providing I'm not hungover, with a 'lady-friend' or the weather outside is nice.
Oh and if its raining I won't be in either.

Giving Hilton a bad name

I mentioned last week how I saw idiot Paris Hilton at the Sheraton Hotel in Sydney.

And that got me thinking – why would the heir(head) to the Hilton Hotel empire be staying at a rival hotel?

Maybe they don’t want Paris giving the Hilton a bad name….
Although I think its WAAAAAAYYYY too fucking late for that…

A Disgrace!

What a bloody disgrace!
Those idiots who rioted at the Tennis yesterday.
Very un-Australian.
And while the whole world is watching us too.
I hope they get deported back to wherever they are rioting about.
I'm sure it's a wonderful place there - full of idiots like these.

Marriage Anyone?

Quote of my life

"You can only be young once but you can always be immature."

Sums me up to a tee.

The un-highlight of my holidays

The un-highlight of my holidays was that I saw stupid Paris Hilton when I was in Sydney.
We parked under the Sheraton Hotel in the City and went shopping.
When we came back, there were all these limos and photographers every where out the front of the hotel. We were hoping it was someone famous like Nicole Kidman.

Just as we walked up the stairs to the foyerof the hotel, out came stupid Paris Hilton. She stopped, posed for the photographers, then walked down the stairs to the car.

I was within spitting distance, and should have, but I wouldn’t waste my spit on her.

I wanted to yell out "fucking get over yourself" instead I told one of her big bouncers to “get out of the way” so we could get into the hotel.

Some poor stupid young chick in front of me called out "Merry Christmas Paris" and Paris didn't even look over at this poor chick. I felt like hitting this chick in front of me in the back of the head and say "get over it".

This is the second time I have seen her now. Both by being at the right place at the wrong time. The first time was in a bar on the Gold Coast and all the girls that I was there with were saying "oh my god, it's Paris Hilton."
Now these were 30 year old girls I was with, not 16, so I was quite right in saying "WHO FUCKING CARES!" to them.

Happy New Year?

Happy New Year?
Yes, happy New Year, question mark.
Back at work today, and it doesn’t feel anything at all different to the last day I was here last year.
So what's so happy about it?
Maybe it's just because it's Monday. Maybe by Friday I will be more into the New Year...

By the way, Christmas presents included Wine, Beer, DVD’s and a book on beer. So I think the Realistic Christmas List was about right.

Also, I noticed I've clicked over 1,000 visits to the site.
Thanks everyone - yes that means you too.