It's been a week since I've posted??

Shows how mentally busy I've been.

Speaking of mental.... (you may have to click on the image to read it all)

13 Days

I was wondering how long it would take until “God” entered our house.

And it was 13 Days.

You see, the only decent schools near us are private and are all extremely religious. The public schools near us are as overcrowded as a Bali prison, with similar conditions and inhabitants...

So we sent the heir to the SurferCam fortune off to her new school.

And 13 days later, she asks her Daddy, who is about as religious as Satan’s nephew,

“Daddy, who is God?”

I looked around for some help, but was home alone (I am playing Mr Mum this week, which is a whole other post) and so there was no one to say “Go ask so-and-so..”

I thought of distracting her and wanted to respond with, “Oh honey, I think The Simpsons has started!” but chose not to.

Luckily after staring at my dazed face, Monkey carried on, “My teacher says that God is everywhere and looks after me.”

“Yes that’s right honey,” I said, then added, “I think The Simpsons has started.”

A few hours later, I heard Monkey singing, “God is good, God is great..”

Only 13 more years to go….

Get ready to squirm ladies…

Don’t ask how I ended up finding these two articles below, but when you go searching the internet and you often end up in weird places…

My favourite parts below are the “nearly painless” comment and the bit about the 3 and half inch needle going probably where it shouldn’t….

Vaginal Rejuvenation Surgery

A one to two hour outpatient procedure, called posterior repair or vaginoplasty, will reduce internal vaginal mucosa, which tightens the canal. This can help increase muscle tone, control and strength, and potentially increase pleasurable friction during intercourse.

After vaginal rejuvenation surgery, a patient can walk within a few days and can return to sexual activity in four to six weeks. It is important to remember that vaginal rejuvenation surgery cannot cure sexual dysfunction or increase desire. This surgery may not be covered by insurance, and complications such as bleeding or scarring are possible.

G Spot Amplification

The G-spot, named in honor of Dr. Ernst Grafenberg, is a small, cushiony area on the anterior wall of the vagina. Dr. Grafenberg and others claim that this area, when stimulated, can lead to increased sexual pleasure. Some experts remain unconvinced that the G-spot exists, however.

A new, non-surgical technique has been developed to temporarily enlarge the G-spot, in order to potentially increase sexual pleasure and orgasms. Dr. David Matlock invented and patented The G-Shot, which achieves these results with a collagen injection.

The procedure is relatively simple and nearly painless. First, the patient assists the physician in locating her G-spot. This position is measured and recorded for future use. A topical anesthetic is applied to the vaginal wall, where a three and one half inch long needle administers the human collagen into the G-spot. This causes the G-spot to expand to the size of a quarter, but does not inhibit sexual activity or the use of tampons.

After four months, the collagen is harmlessly absorbed into the body. As with other cosmetic genital procedures, the G-Shot cannot cure sexual dysfunction, and some side effects can occur.

Slogan T-Shirts

Someone somewhere with absolutely nothing better to do in their life, was getting their undies in a knot on the weekend about slogan t-shirts, in particular those worn by women. And their beef was that some of these shirts incite rape. How I am not too sure.

Yes some of these shirts are crude, but most are funny and in good taste.

And as someone who has been toying around with his own slogan t-shirt company (yes, me! Go to www.rusher.com.au), I’m all for it.

So if that someone is reading this blog, here’s one of my favourite female slogan t-shirts :

Dear Teachers,

Dear Teachers, would you please be kind enough and step into the REAL WORLD!!!

The other night I went to my first ever Parent / Teacher night.

The first hour was spent with teachers telling us about themselves and the school. Which also involved many many many PowerPoint presentations on crap that no one was paying attention to. At one point I nearly stood up and said “can you just print that off and give it to the parents who give a shit.”

I knew the night wasn’t going to go well before I even got there. Reading the invite it said “Parents must be there at 7pm sharp.” Only teachers would ever say something like that.

At the start of the proceedings the junior school principal looked at his watch, then tapped it and commenced the night with “if anybody has a watch like mine, then they will know it’s 7 o’clock and it’s time to start.”

Are you kidding me?

I think teachers need to realise that us adults don’t go to school, so don’t treat us like kids.

And where else in the world do you hear the words “compulsory attendance” and “your presence is mandatory”?

Only 13 more years of this shit to deal with….

Stay at home Dad

A fellow blogger was airing her grief’s about being a stay at home Mum and I thought, what would my daily routine be if I was a stay at home Dad.

1. Wake up, make breakfast for me, wifey and kid.

2. Make lunch and pack bag for kid.

3. Put a load in the dishwasher and washing machine.

4. Drop kid at daycare / school.

5. Go for a surf.

6. Lunch at the pub and a few beers with the other stay at home Dads.

7. Put a few bets on the horses and/or dish-lickers.

8. Use the winnings to pay for dinner.

9. Pick up kid from daycare / school.

10. Go home. Tidy house. Unpack dishwasher. Hang out clothes.

11. Order takeaway for dinner.

12. Dinner arrives 10 mins before wifey.

13. Dinner is on the table as wifey walks in the door.

14. Have dinner and bottle(s) of wine.

15. Put kid to sleep.

16. Check Form Guide for tomorrow’s races.

17. Go to sleep excited that I get to do it all again tomorrow!

Where do I sign up for this gig!

Friday Art

For Scorpy...

True Love

[ click on pic to enlarge ]

I don’t have to tell you guys…

… but there are some weird people out there…

My house is on the market (went to auction on Sunday but didn’t sell. What a waste of fucking time.)

Therefore I am looking to buy another house.

So after not having much luck with real estate agents, I decided to do a letterbox drop and write a letter saying I am not a real estate agent but I am looking to buy a house in the area.

I dropped this letter off to nearly 400 houses, and it wasn’t a complete waste of time as I have got about 6 phone calls so far.

Last Thursday I had 3 missed calls from a local number. Then they left a message and this is the exact message left by some bizarre old woman :

“I got you letter about buying my house. I’m in (couldn’t understand what she said) Street. It’s not on the market but you can buy if for $700,000.”

And that was it. That was the entire message. No name, no number, no hello or good bye, no ‘call me back’. Nothing. And apart from that, I didn’t drop off any letters to any houses worth anywhere near $600,000, let alone $700,000…

About half an hour later I missed another one of her calls and then she called back again. This time I answered and this is the exact conversation :

SurferCam : Hello Cameron speaking.

Bizarre Old Woman : I got you letter about buying my house. It’s not on the market but you can buy if for $700,000. [click]

And she hung up on me.

Before I even had a chance to say yes or no or anything.

Weirdo. Thankfully she hasn't called back..... yet!

Munday

Are Monday mornings the most depressing part of the week or what?

Friday Funny

Grandma and Grandpa were visiting their kids overnight.

When Grandpa found a bottle of Viagra in his son's medicine cabinet, he asked
about using one of the pills.

The son said, "I don't think you should take one Dad; they're very strong and very expensive."

"How much?" asked Grandpa.

"$10 a pill," Answered the son.

"I don't care," said Grandpa, "I'd still like to try one, and before we leave in the morning, I'll put the money under the pillow."

Later the next morning, the son found $110 under the pillow. He called Grandpa and said, "I told you each pill was $10, not $110.00.

"I know," said Grandpa. "The hundred is from Grandma!"