If I had a dollar for every beer I've had...

I hate Mondays

I hate Mondays and I want to find out who the idiot was that came up with the idea of a 5-day working week.
Don't ever expect to find anything interesting posted on this site on a Monday.
It usually takes me until Tuesday afternoon to wake up from the weekend and get stuck into the working week.
Plus the surf is always good on a Monday after being crap all weekend.
And I am normally hungover.
...bitch, bitch... rant, rave... bitch, bitch...
Every weekend should be a long weekend.
Or you should at least be able to drink at work on a Monday.

I'm not religious...

… but thank God for hot days, bikinis, topless sunbathing being socially acceptable, and me only working 3 mins away from the beach.

VB Sales down

"BOONY is back.
Foster's Australia has confirmed the talking figurine of cricketer David Boon - credited by Foster's Australia for getting Victoria Bitter back on the radar of younger drinkers - returns later this year.

Earlier this year Foster's chief executive Trevor O'Hoy said the Boonanza promotion - the sequel of which begins next month - helped lift Foster's beer volumes.

But, as much as he was a hit with beer drinkers, VB's sales continue to decline.

After volume rises in January and February, VB's share in June of the national full-strength beer market dropped 1.7 percentage points to 33.6 per cent on a like for like basis, according to ACNielsen."

- I think it was about June when I switched from VB to Carlton Draught........

What a Beautiful Sight...

GO GET 'EM BOONY!

You're Gorgeous!

Tough Guy Spotting

I saw Tough Guy again at lunch.
(For those who don't know who Tough Guy is, see below)
He was on the phone and as I walked past I thought of his little car and started to giggle.
Then Tough Guy stared at me.
Then the giggles stopped.

Luckiest Monkey in the Zoo

Tough Guy

I was in the basement of my building when I heard a car door shut and was soon confronted with what I would call a ‘Tough Guy’ – big, muscly, can’t put his arms by his side, looks like a fucking gorilla, walks like a fucking gorilla and probably thinks like a fucking gorilla.
The walkway was narrow, and as Tough Guy approached, one of us would have to give way. So being the smaller, less tougher, and maybe the more scared, I gave way.
Tough Guy didn’t flinch, didn’t move from the path he was travelling – it’s as if I didn’t exist.
As he walked past, I continued on thinking about what an idiot he was.
As I got past a 4WD, I was then able to see Tough Guy’s car – a brand new Toyota Echo, which for those who don’t know, makes a Mini look like a stretched Cadillac.

Nice one Tough Guy. What time does Granny want her car back?

My 2 cents worth on : Reality TV

I’m really not a big fan of reality TV.

However I don’t mind Survivor because it is only a game, there is a million bucks up for grabs, and most importantly there is normally at least one hot chick.

I can’t stand all the others and what I really really REALLY HATE is Idol – whether its Australian Idol, American Idol or Kazakhstan Idol.

Why I don’t like it, is that the nation and the TV station build up these people to be something that they are not. What ever happened to that big fat thing that won it last year? Or any of the others that were supposed to be big stars?

Although I shouldn’t be complaining, as I don’t have to sit through anymore of there pathetic songs or crap video clips.

Anyway, in the end it’s all just a popularity test, as all the 13 year olds of this nation (and some people who used to be classed as my friends) run around voting for their favourite star. Talent has nothing to do with it.

The only thing I hate more than Idol are the hosts – those DJ’s from Sydney - Kyle and the blonde chick who thinks she is a glamour, and those 2 other guys – one with weird hair and the other is just fucking weird looking. And of course the guy that calls himself “Dicko”. Has anyone ever realised that he has the word “Dick” in his name ???

Al Kyder & Terry Wrist

http://www.abc.net.au/tv/chaser/war/video/default.htm

Brilliant Australian Airport Security

Last night, a plane from Fiji was left on the tarmac at Sydney for nearly an hour while the Australian police / terror response / bomb squad ‘experts’ searched the plane because they received a bomb threat.

First of all who is going to blow up a plane from Fiji?
Oh, I hear you say, those Fijian extremist fundamentalist terrorists are very volatile, and as for their coconut bombs….

The ‘experts’ kept passengers on the plane WHILE they searched the plane for nearly an hour.
What if there was a bomb and one of those coked-up baggage handlers accidentally set it off and blew up the plane.
Maybe then these brainiac experts might stop and think that maybe they should have got all the passengers off the plane first, BEFORE searching for a bomb.

Well done boys, keep up the good work.

I hate Cats....

.... but you've got to admit, this one is pretty funny.

Surf Report for the rest of Eternity

Please use this as a guide for the rest of your surfing life.

If it’s a weekday, its going off.
It will be flat and/or crap on Saturday and Sunday.
Great Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.
Flat and/or crap on Saturday and Sunday.

Definition of "Making Love"

"Making Love" is something Women do while Men fuck them.

Wrong...

NO, this is not my Dad. But it could be me in about 20 years....

Gross Generalisation #1

Gross Generalisation #1 - all chicks who drive Navy Blue or Black VW Golfs, are HOT!

Promo Chicks

Promo Chicks - how good are they!
God Bless 'em!

I once went out with a girl who was best friends with a Promo Chick.
For me, that was as good as going out with a Promo Chick....
.... and probably the closest I'll ever get to it.

I know lots of Slinkies

Some people are like Slinkies - they don't really have a purpose,
But they still bring a smile to your face when you push them down the stairs.

6-Foot Blonde Supermodel Twins

If anyone had the absolute pleasure of seeing those 6-foot blonde supermodel twins running along Hedges Ave on Sunday - how good were they!!!

For all those who didn't - you're life in not complete.

7 Types of Sex

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex. This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a short time and you are so horny you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex. This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway

The 5th kind of sex is called: Courtroom Sex. This is when you cannot stand your wife/Hubby any more. She/He takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

The 6th kind is called Religious Sex, which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night.

The 7th kind of sex - Social Security Sex. You get a little each month. But not enough to live on!


Me personally, put me down for 3rd, 4th, 6th and 7th... and most likely one day, the 5th kind....

Friday August 11, 2006

Today, I am a Blogger. Today is the first day of writing my Blog for the whole world to see... although it will probably only be read by Cam#2.

Lunch :
Sushi at Eddie's. Best Sushi on the Goldie - mainly because I know Eddie and he gives me discounts....
Two guys having an "interesting" conversation next to me....
Pretentious Twat : You single?
Dopey Real Estate Agent : Yeah, nah, sort of. Been looking on-line.
PT: Yeah me too, works well hey. You can suss out what they look like and everything before you meet them. Weed out the fat and ugly ones from the hot ones.
DREA: Umm, yeah.
PT: What I do is meet them down stairs for a coffee then take them back up to my apartment. And as you know, its a bloody nice apartment and of course I have it decked out all nice.
DREA: Yeah, does it work?
PT: 95% success rate so far...
CAM: choke, cough, splutter, cough, (lucky it was salmon and slid down easy).
This Pretentious Twat was about as pretty as a bulldog chewing a wasp.
If he hadn't been talking shit before about his $1 million a year income, her certainly was now....


What I Noticed Today :
1. On my drive into work, all girls at all bus stops were HOT! Really HOT! Freaky...
2. Lots of bomb-chucka's around town - bit of a worry. Good for Tourism. Unless they start doing what they are.
3. Not that I have been actively looking, but I finally found out where all the gay guys and fat chicks on the Goldie work - Centrelink!
God Bless the goverment for not being homophobic or fatchickaphobic.