Work - Part II

If I could do any job in the world, it would be a Formula 1 Racing Car Driver – I’m not a rev-head, but I just think it would be a cool job to have and you’d be travelling the world, earning squillions and fighting off models, pit-girls and promo chicks with your gearstick and helmet…

What would be your dream job?

Work

I don’t like work.

Never have, and I don’t think I ever will. It’s not that I am lazy, I’m not, I’d just much rather be doing other more interesting things like traveling, writing, surfing, reading, painting or even more simpler things like going to the pub or the beach.

Come to think of it, I did have one great job. It was in London, working for the best bosses imaginable, and apart from one sour bitch, worked with an awesome crew.

You can remain anonymous if you like, but I’d like to know what some of you people out there do for work AND more importantly, do you enjoy it.

The Differences...

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura,
Kate and Sarah.
If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other
as Fat Boy, Godzilla and Four-eyes.

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even
though it's only for $32.50.
None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they
want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving
cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument..

CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife

SUCCESS
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the bins,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children.
She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite
foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

Inconsiderate

Chateau SurferCam is on the market at the moment.

There are some kiwis who have moved into the street and although they are renovating their house, they have turned it into a industrial area with scaffolding, paint tins, drops sheets left all over the place during the past year and a half.

Last Friday, they put up a new brick fence that will be painted and/or rendered.

And as soon as it went up, for a bit of a “laugh”, they have graffiti-ed it in spray paint with “funny” sayings and shit like “choice bro”.

The only problem is, 5 days later, it is still there and they haven’t painted and/or rendered over it.

So when potential buyers of my house drive down our street, they first have to drive past the kiwis graffiti-ed fence before they get to my place.

Nice way to add value to the street you FUCKING KIWI WANKERS!

Father of the Year

For all the times I have not been warranted as a potential Father of the Year candidate, I made up for it all in one hit on Saturday.

I took the Monkey to High School Musical – Disney on Ice.

For those who do not have daughters, High School Musical is an American phenomenon – an annoying, painfully politically correct, over-acting, singing and dancing high school movie American phenomenon.

The Pink Mafia normally takes Monkey to these things but this time I had was dragged along kicking and screaming.

And it was a matinee so I couldn’t even get on the beers!

Five minutes into it I was wishing I was at home being violently ill.

IT WAS HORRENDOUS!

I tried to fall asleep but the music and singing was driving me INSANE!

I wanted to rip my ears off and eat them so I wouldn’t have to listen. But then what would I do about my eyes?

The Monkey kept asking me “Daddy why aren’t you clapping?” I couldn’t tell her the real reason so I just smiled at her through clenched teeth.

Worst part of the whole show – they finished with a big finale and the actors waved to everyone in the crowd.

THANK

FUCKING

GOD

THAT

IS

OVER!

And then the announcement that brought tears to my eyes.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, Boys and Girls, the High School Musical team will be taking a short break and then we’ll be back with the second half.”

OH FUCKING NO!!!!!

SECOND HALF!

FUCK NO!

About 40 minutes later the excruciating torture was over and I was the happiest man alive.

Like when the shark came at me back in January, I’ll be having nightmares about this for a long time to come…

Hilarious

I normally don’t post links to websites or videos etc, so when you see me post something like this, you know it’s worthwhile…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PcbIMNhghVI

Bunch of Morons

I hate protestors as much as anyone does.

But these latest protests over the Olympics torch relay are just ridiculous.

I don’t agree with what the Chinese government has done to Tibet, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to go and make a complete arse of myself like these wankers have done in the UK, France and most likely Australia, when it comes here.

Reasons they are idiots :

1. It’s the Olympics – it’s about sport, coming together, competing for your country and putting aside political indifferences for a few weeks.

2. Was Iraq booed at the Athens Olympics? No, they were cheered for putting aside all the troubles in their country, and proudly competing for their country.

3. One of the main concerns of these protestors is the violence in Tibet.

What about the violence they are imposing on these people carrying the flame! One poor woman nearly had her arm ripped off when an idiot protestor grabbed the torch. She then nearly copped the full flame of the torch in her face!

4. Is putting out the Olympic flame going to bring justice to Tibet? No, I don’t think so.

5. What about the actual torch bearers – these people have been chosen to carry the flame through their city because they have contributed to society. What have these protestors contributed? Fuck all I bet, apart from being a nuisance.

If I had contributed something to society, other than this shitty blog, and was able to be a torch relay runner, I’d make sure that if one of those pathetic protestors came near me, I’d use the torch as a light-sabre – Luke Skywalker style – to belt them around their head and then put the flame out in their face!

Bring on the Olympics!

Free Tibet!

Tragic

Addicted viewers and voyeurs of this blog, will remember a few months back when I was chased by a shark - apparently a 3 metre Tiger Shark - that subsequently scared the absolute fucking shit out of me.

(New readers or those who have forgotten, can click here and here to read about it)

Well unfortunately this morning, a young bloke was attacked and killed by a shark less then 2 kilometres from where I had my little run-in.

Poor bugger.

I try not to think that that could have been me back in January.

Boring....

I haven’t posted much lately – I’m sure you have noticed.

There just hasn’t been much going on lately, and therefore nothing worth posting about.

I blame it on too much work and not enough play.

Apart from all that, I am going to Italy in June for 3 weeks.

Let me know any suggestions of where to go and where not to go.

Ciao!