I can't be bothered.....

...blogging today, so I'll just post this joke :

A female dwarf goes to a doctor complaining of an embarrassing itch in the groin area.
The doctor looks her up and down, picks her up and stands her on his desk.
He lifts up her skirt and puts his head under.
A little perplexed, she hears snip, snip, snip, snip.
The doctor emerges from under her skirt.
“How’s that?”
“Well, it’s a lot better actually, but………..it’s still there.”
Undaunted, he dives back under her skirt.
Snip, snip, snip, snip. Out he comes.
“How’s that?” he asks again more confident.
“That’s wonderful! What did you do?”
“I trimmed the top of your Ugg boots.”

Australian TV - What a DISGRACE!

Australian TV sank to a new low last night.
In prime time on Channel 9 was a New Zealand show on disputes with neighbours.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
WHO FUCKING CARES!!!!!!!!
It made me want to call Foxtel there and then and ask if they could sign me up and connect me right then so I didn’t have to watch this shit about feuding Kiwis.
And then I realised, Packer owns Channel 9 (free to air) and he also owns Foxtel (pay TV). I think his cunning plan is to show more and more crap like that pathetic shit that was on last night, so that people like me will then turn around and pay for Foxtel.
Very clever really.

What happens to incompetent Politicians?

They get fired and then sent to Italy!

For those of you who don’t know, I loathe politics and anything to do with it.
But I couldn’t help comment on Amanda Vanstone’s perks for when she goes to Italy.

Perks include :
- Overseas Allowance
- Household Assistance
- Provision for a Vehicle
- Language Training to $5,000
- Driver for official functions (like going to work???)
- Butler
- Chef
- Maid
- Gardner
- and my favourite, an Outfit Allowance. Judging by her attire in the picture below, I hope she isn’t allowed to spend her allowance by herself and that someone is made to shop with her...

She will also be living in a 4-level house in Rome worth about $11.2 million, which if you work out rent at 5% of that value, it’s over $10,000 per week!

Maybe I should get involved in Politics, get fired for being useless, and end up somewhere nice in Europe… There is an election coming up and I’ve always fancied spending some more time in Amsterdam…

Dear Gold Coaster’s,

KEEP LEFT UNLESS OVERTAKING!!!!

Over the past few years the Gold Coast has had a population explosion.
And no wonder – if you were here today, you’d see a beautiful blue sky, about 25 degrees, and we are 2 days away from winter.

With the population explosion has obviously come more drivers on the road.
I think the problem is that people up here are not used to the increased traffic and cannot cope with it. For years up here, people have cruised around sitting on 40km/hr and taken in the sights of our perfect beaches, numerous high-rises and stunning meter-maids.

But now, there are people up here – like myself – who are trying to get to and from work and are stuck behind people too busy perusing our beauties, or still thinking it’s 1980 when our population was 100,000 compared to now when it’s half a million.
Most people on the Goldie complain that our roads are in adequate. Well, people you’re wrong! It’s the drivers.
If you go to Sydney, the roads are worse and there are a couple of million more people, and they seem to be able to do it a lot better than up here.

For those who enjoyed 1980 and that want to drive at 30 km/hr under the speed limit, please, stay in the left lane or go driving after rush hour.

This has been a Community Service Announcement from SurferCam.

Please feel free to copy, paste and send this to everyone in your area, as I am sure it's the same throughout Australia.

7 Things

The gorgeous Julia tagged me yesterday.
I am to post 7 random things about me, and I am also supposed to tag 7 other people.
Unfortunately I am leaving work in a few hours to go to a very boozy lunch, and don’t have time to tag anyone else. Sorry.

So here goes :
1. If I drink only one beer, it normally makes me feel crook afterwards. Therefore I will always have at least two.
2. People who do not ‘keep left unless overtaking’ really shit me.
3. I like all types of music - from techno to rock to classical – except death metal.
4. Wire coat hangers annoy the shit out of me.
5. I am both a morning-person and a night owl.
6. I wish I was fluent in French, Italian and Spanish. Unfortunately I can only speak a few words of each language.
7. Over the years, the sports I have participated in are Aussie Rules, Rugby Union, Surfing, Cycling, Tennis, Basketball, Bowling, Golf, Table Tennis, Snooker, Touch Football, OzTag, Cricket, Indoor Cricket, Athletics, Cross-Country, Swimming, Water-Skiing, Snow-Skiing, Wake-Boarding, Hockey, Skate Boarding, Roller Blading and Triathlons.
And I have been average at all of them, and excelled in almost none of them.

Conversation

Conversation this morning with my 4 year old. Yes, she is only 4 years of age.

SurferCam : Have you got swimming lessons this morning?
Monkey : Yes, but first I have to have breakfast, then find something to wear, then I have to go to the coffee shop, then to the shops to get some new shoes, and THEN swimming lessons.
SC : Sounds like you’ve got a busy morning.
M : I know that.

Mmm can’t wait until she’s a teenager….

How is everyone out there in BlogLand today?

On a scale of 1 to 10, let me know how you're going today and why.

For me, I’m feeling particularly good today, probably an 8 or even a 9 out of 10 - and it's not even the weekend! And yes, I am sober and no, I am not on drugs.

Not sure why, but I’ve got a feeling it might be something to do with the triple-shot Iced Latte I am devouring, or the fact that there is sport on tonight (State of Origin) which is a half-decent excuse for a mid-week piss up.

Have a great day!

Favourite Places

Inspired by Cazzie’s question from yesterday of “What has been my favourite place?”, I would have to say the following are my Top 5 :

1. Cancun, Mexico – I LOVE all things Mexican – tequila, margaritas, jalapenos, burritos, fajitas, chilli, tostadas, nachos, Corona, Dos Equis etc etc.
So when you combine all of that, friendly people, 30+ degrees heat, on a coastal town with magnificent beaches and clear water, than I am in heaven.

2. Los Angeles, USA – I really like LA and up to Santa Barbara. I like the location, the lifestyle and the excitement of LA and the beauty of Santa Barbara.

3. The Rockies, Colorado, USA – I have been very fortunate to go skiing in Colorado at Breckenridge and Keystone on two separate occasions. The skiing is phenomenal, especially compared to the crap in Australia, and the scenery is breathtaking. But don’t get me wrong, it was bloody cold, dropping to -25c on several days.

4. London, UK. I have a love / hate relationship with London. I really enjoyed living over there, the culture, the history, the closeness to Europe, trekking through the city and finding new bars / pubs / stores.

And finally, at number 5 (and I’m going to cheat here), I would have to say Europe. I really like Amsterdam for its culture, canals and architecture, Biarritz for combining surf and all things French, and Switzerland as a whole country for its sheer beauty. I also really enjoyed my time working in Belgium – exploring new cities, new foods and new beers every day.

Notable mentions – Dallas, Singapore, Hong Kong, New York, Melbourne & Sydney

Passport : Update

And the passport info in the previous post doesn’t include all the cities / countries that were on my previous passport which include :
Hong Kong
Philippines
Canada
Switzerland
USA
England
France
Germany
Netherlands
Scotland

SurferCam has been around.....

I just found out my Passport has expired.

I went back through all the stamps and visas in the passport.

Here is a list of all the stamps and visas and it doesn't even include all the other places I visited whilst in the country:

Barcelona, Spain.
Biarritz, France.
Cancun, Mexico.
New York, USA.
Los Angeles, USA.
Gothenburg, Sweden.
Singapore, Singapore.
Dublin, Ireland.
Amsterdam, The Netherlands.
Brussels, Belgium.
Bali, Indonesia.
Nadi, Fiji.
UK Working Visa.
France Tourist Visa.
London Heathrow, UK.
London Gatwick, UK.
London City, UK.
London Stansted, UK.
Channel Tunnel, UK.
Sydney, Australia.
Brisbane, Australia.

Joke of the Month

A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.

"Not a chance," says the husband, "it's 3 o'clock in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not, it's 3 o' clock in the morning and it is pouring out there!"

"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself."

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pouring rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes" comes the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.


"Over here on the swing!" replies the drunk.

Hello? Is there anybody out there?

Is it just me, or is the whole of blogland on holidays?
There seems to be hardly anyone commenting anymore (*maybe they’ve finally realised just how shit your blog is SurferCam*), and even less people actually posting on their blogs.

Some of the regular blogs that I haunt are not posting at all.

It seems that a lot of people went away at Easter, and either didn’t come back or can’t be arsed anymore to blog.

Or maybe people are just too busy at the moment.
I know I am flat out at the moment, but if I don’t have a break (i.e. blog) then I might go nuts, or nuttier….

Will be interesting to see if things pick up over the coming months…

Did I mention I'm never drinking again???

... I thought so....

Still not 100% sure what happened, but went out on Friday night for a bit of a mini-reunion with some old friends.
I knew I wasn't staying long so I powered through 5 or 6 beers (ok maybe 8 to 10) in about 3 hours.
Went home, watched a bit of footy and went to bed feeling fine.
I woke up Saturday with a bit of a headache and feeling a bit seedy, but not too bad.
But then the headache got worse and worse and next thing I am driving the porcelain bus for about the next 3 hours.
I didn't come good until about 4pm Saturday arvo.

What's wrong with me????

Man Bags

Man Bags should be banned.

Why does a man need a bag?

Well, let’s firstly look at why a woman needs a handbag.

She needs it to put the following items in it : purse, makeup, mobile phone, diary, that-time-of-the-month girlie items, car keys including way too many key-chains, hairbrush, deodorant, receipts etc.

And they also need a handbag because unlike men, who always have a pocket in either their shorts or pants (unless you’re wearing Speedos, and let’s not go there), women rarely have pockets in their skirts or dresses.

A bloke only needs to carry 3 things – wallet/money-clip, mobile phone and car keys. Now if they all don’t fit in your pockets, get some bigger pockets or a smaller wallet / phone etc.

Therefore, case closed : Man Bags should be banned.

Please note : Man Bags also include Bum Bags. And no, there is no excuse for having a bum bag, and I don't care if you are on holidays and you need somewhere to put your passport.

My First Screenplay

Was discussing the world of a Porn production company that a fellow female blogger (who shall remain nameless) decided she wanted to start. So I thought I'd help her out by writing the first script for her :

Big Fake Titted Hooker Looking Girl : Let's fuck!
Hung like a Shetland Pony Guy : Umm, ok!

20 mins later...

And Cut. That's a wrap.

An Apology

Over the past few months I have received many funny images/jokes and
have posted them on this site so fellow bloggers and friends,
who I thought shared the same sense of humour,
would enjoy them.

Unfortunately, I seem to have upset a few people and received criticism
for being sexist and shallow.

Therefore, from now on I am only posting pictures of old monuments,
nature and other cultural sights
which are educational for your mind.

So, here is a picture of the Pont Neuf Bridge in Toulouse, France.

Australian Fashion Week.

Australian Fashion Week was on last week and this years "big thing" is Short Dresses and even Shorter Skirts.

And every Aussie bloke is bloody excited about that!

Now, if the designers could just get some real women to model the clothes, that would be even better.

One of my arms would be bigger than most of the Model's legs put together.

Seeing that today is May 4th....

50 Things

Stolen from Scorpy, who stole it from Jenna, who probably stole it from someone else.

1. Height?
(170cm)

2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
NO.

3. Do you own a gun?
Did have an Air Rifle. I refuse to have one in the house around my daughter.
“Guns don’t kill people – idiots with guns kill people”

4. Who would you let eat crackers in your bed?
Any female model

5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
No, because I am going there to get fixed.

6. What do you think of hot dogs?
Great at sporting events, but must have hot chilli sauce, tomato sauce and cheese.

7. What’s your favourite Christmas song?
All of them, but only when sung by Bing Crosby.

8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
COFFEEEEE!!!!! and lots of it

9. Is your bathroom clean?
On Wednesdays… after the cleaner has been.

10. Can you do push ups?
Yep, easy

11. What’s your favourite piece of jewellery?
My Fossil watch and my silver ring - I don't wear anything else

12. Do you like painkillers?
Yep. I eat them like Smarties.

13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
It used to be a lot of things. No its just alcohol

14. Do you have A.D.D.?
No

15. What’s your name?
Cam

16. Middle Name?
Same as my Dad’s

17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
I need some painkillers.
I want to go home.
I wish people would stop calling me with work-related problems .

18. Name the last 3 things you bought:
Ingredients for Pico de Gallo
Bottle of Semillon
Pizza

19. Who are your favourite visual artists?
Picasso and Robert Dickerson

20. You're stuck on a deserted island with two other people, who would you want to be stranded with?
Two female nymphomaniac bisexual swimsuit models who know how to turn coconut milk into alcohol.

21. You've won a major award and have thanked your family, who else would you thank?
Alcohol

22. Current worry?
Bills / money.

23. Current hate?
Old People and Work!!!!

24. Favourite place to be?
Surfing.

25. How did you bring in the New year?
Drinking and then sleeping.

26. Where would you like to go?
Snow Skiing in Colorado or Mexico… again.

27. Do you own slippers?
No.

28. What shirt are you wearing?
Blue business shirt, blue linen pants

29. Do you burn or tan?
Both

30. Favourite colour(s)?
Blue.

31. Would you be a pirate?
No

32. Are you gay?
No

33. What songs do you sing in the shower?
None, I think in the shower and sing in the car

34. What did you fear was going to get you at night as a child?
Boogie Man

35. What’s in your pockets right now?
Chap Stick.

36. Where are you?
Work, as always it seems

37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Red Wacky Races sheets

38. Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Stacking my bike as a kid – repeatedly…

39. You're on a trip around the world and have to select five landmarks to visit, what would you pick?
Le Tower Eiffel, the Parthenon, the Colosseum, the Hollywood Sign and Times Square.
Not because I really want to see these landmarks, rather I just want to visit these countries, some of them again.

40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
2, but working on No.3

41. Who is your loudest friend?
Elliott

42. Who is your quietest friend?
Ant.

43. Does someone have a crush on you?
Probably

44. Do u wish on shooting stars?
No.

45. What is your favourite book?
“Day After Tomorrow” by Alan Folsom. If you like thrillers, it is bloody good!

46. What is your favourite candy?
Chocolate

47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
I don’t want to get married.
But if I had to pick, "End of the World as we know it" by REM - only because of the lyrics.

48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
“All I want is You” by U2

or "If you're happy and you know it, clap your hands"

49. What were you doing at 12AM last night?
Sleeping

50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
When will this hangover go away