The Backwards State

Queensland, the "Backwards State", is the only State in Australia that is behind the times and does not have daylight savings.

I know there are a few banana-benders who read this blog, so please participate in this e-petition to have a trial Daylight Savings period.

Please click here.

Nothing.

I can't think of anything decent to post about.
Therefore, I'll just post this picture of Future Wife No. 67324.
(Photo courtesy of Kitty)

Indy – Part III

Observations from Indy on Sunday :

- If you have your first beer at 9am, you will be nice and pissed before lunch.

- If you have your first beer at 9am, you will have trouble remembering your name at 5pm.

- Skimpy is not always sexy.

- Lycra is a privilege; not a right.

- If you are a girl surrounded by hundreds of guys, you will get harassed.

- If you are a girl surrounded by thousands of guys, you will get harassed to get your “tits out”, and if you are drunk, you probably will.

- A majority of car racing fans are yobbos, bogans, piss-heads and idiots.

- A majority of promo chicks are very very hot.

- Girls wearing micro skirts, high-heels and bikinis to Indy are in for a lot of harassment.

Why is it so difficult?

Telephone conversations with big companies – why is it so fucking hard?

I called a large electricity company (or you can insert any Tax Dept, telephone, insurance, pay TV or mobile phone company in here, as they are all just as bad) to follow up on an electricity connection to a property :

SurferCam : I set up an electricity account the other day and I just wanted to see how the connection is processing.

Fucking Useless Electricity Company : What’s the address?

SC : Unit 34, Lot 34….

FUEC : Umm we don’t have anything under that address.

SC : Oh well that’s the address it was set up under the other day.

FUEC : You sure?

SC : Yes and I have a Fucking Useless Electricity Company invoice in front of me asking to pay a security deposit. Would you like to try the account number instead?

FUEC : How come you have an invoice from us?

SC : Because I set up the account 2 days ago - on Monday.

FUEC : You did?

SC : Yes. Do you want to check the account number.

FUEC : What’s the number?

SC : 76620446

FUEC : Yeah, that’s not coming up on my system. Any accounts set up prior to June 30 would be on another system which I don’t have access to.

SC : But I only set it up 2 days ago.

FUEC : Right. Are you sure the invoice is from Fucking Useless Electricity Company?

SC : Am I sure? Yes I am sure it's from you because it says it is an invoice is from Fucking Useless Electricity Company that is on Fucking Useless Electricity Company letterhead.

FUEC : Strange.

SC : No, not really, I set it up 2 days ago and now I have an invoice.

FUEC : Strange that it came out so quick.

SC : Well it did.

FUEC : Yeah, it’s still not coming up on my system. Any accounts set up prior to June 30 would be on another system which I don’t have access to so I’ll have to check with someone else.

SC : I don’t see how that is relevant as I only set it up 2 days ago.

FUEC : Right then, well we’ll have to set up a new account for you then.

SC : But I already set one up the other day.

FUEC : Yeah but that's on the old system, so well we’ll have to set up a new account for you then.

After doing my best not too scream at her, an hour later, and several side phone calls between my electrician and another electricity provider, it MIGHT be resolved. Might be…

I will know in 5 working days…..

FUCKING USELESS!

Hurry Up PLEASE!

I can’t wait for this fucking election to be over and done with.

I hate politics and what I hate even more is all the crap that goes with it, like stupid adverts on TV and everyone else carrying on about it 24/7.

I hope that Kevin Rudd wins* just so all the other bloggers out there can post about something other than the fucking election and how much they hate Howard and want to give Rudd a blowjob.

* No, I don't hope Rudd wins - GO JOHNNY!

Up High & way down Low

It was a roller coaster weekend…

Up High

- Monkey - Her 5^th birthday on Saturday which was a very special day.

- Indy - all day Sunday in a corporate box in one of the best positions on track with free beer, wine and food.

- Rugby World Cup - South Africa beat England. I don’t like either team, but I have lots of English friends that would not shut up if they had won… So that’s why I was going for South Africa.

Way Down Low

I got home from Indy last night to be told that a friend of my partners family, a young guy who actually works for my brother-in-law, was murdered on the weekend.

His sister had got into an argument with some other girls and being the loving brother stepped in to defend his sister. One of the other girls returned with a screwdriver and stabbed him, killing him.

Apparently I had met this poor fella before, but I unfortunately I don’t remember him.

Tragic, very tragic.

What is the world coming too.

Indy - Part II

Miss Indy was crowned last night.
I wonder why she won..... I can think of two big reasons.....

[ click on image above to enlarge ]

Indy - Part I

The Indy Car Grand Prix starts today on the Gold Coast and goes for the next few days, with the main races on Sunday.

From what I have seen so far by walking around the streets at lunchtime, is that every bogan, bevan, rev-head, car-nut and westie have climbed out of their caves and arrived with their feral family members.

I also notice that every stripper, hooker and promo chick have appeared like magic and have descended on the Coast.
I can't wait to go on Sunday!!!

I seem to be having a week like this...

Mobile Phone Don’ts

There are two main things I hate about people and mobile phones (cell phones for all the readers in the U.S.), besides the obvious ones of people talking too loud or talking in the elevators so everyone else can hear.

1. People who cup their hand over their mouth and their mobile phone while speaking.

Listen, unless you work for the FBI, CIA or ASIO, or you are some big time drug dealer, no one gives a shit what you are saying. Stop doing it and use the phone like anyone else.

2. People who think the only way to talk into a phone is to have the phone right in front of their face.

You’ve seen these people – when they are listening to the person on the other end, they have their phone next to their ear.

But when they need to talk back, they remove the phone from the side of their face and bring it around to in front of their mouth to speak directly into it.

Idiots – that’s what you are and that’s what you look like.

What shits you?

Famous?

Who would really want to be famous?

Would you really want to go out for a coffee and be greeted with this?

This is a picture of a paparazzi scrum surrounding Britney Spears as she buys a cup of coffee. Oh wow, Britney buys coffee.

Yes poor Britney has done some stupid things over the years, but imagine if every time you stepped out of your house you had these morons trying to take photos of you doing something, anything! - I think it would drive anyone a bit nuts...

If those vultures followed me around 24 / 7 trying to take 'news-worthy' photos of me, then yes I'm sure they would be able to catch me doing plenty of stupid things.

Can you see Jesus?

Nob of the Year!

Ian Brown (who?) former lead singer with The Stone Roses (oh yeah, they had one good song about 15 years ago), has had a crack at OUR Kylie :

“Former Stone Roses singer Ian Brown has launched a stinging tirade against Australian pop diva Kylie Minogue after she was honoured at the Q Awards in London overnight.

The British singer said Kylie's music is rubbish and for little kids.

He told BBC Radio Five Live he doesn't know what Kylie's doing at a music awards.”

I think the question is Ian, what ARE you doing at the awards you moron! Are you waiting to collect an award from your last album released 2 years ago? I don’t think so.

“Brown says he doesn't think Minogue is cute or good-looking either.”

Hey Ian, I’d check your eyesight or sexuality if I were you. If you don’t think Miss Minogue is good-looking, then maybe you’re batting for the wrong team…

And by the look of those god-awful fucking sneakers, I think you’re more confused than ever.

And what’s with the overnight bag? You staying the night?

Get a life you NOB!

Can I please retire now?

Isn’t it great when the first conversation of the working day goes something like this :

SurferCam : Morning, how are you going?

Boss : Shithouse! That’s how I am going! Fucking shithouse! Everything’s fucked! Everything that could possibly go wrong, is going fucking wrong! It's a fucking disaster!

I think it’s going to be a loooong day…

Devastated.

Devastated.

Upset.

Inconsolable.

Saddened.

Gutted.

Distraught.

In mourning.

Disappointed.

Dismayed.

Shocked.

Stunned.

This is how I felt after Saturday night’s tragic loss by the Wallabies in the Rugby World Cup. I actually felt like someone had died.

Yes girls, I know it’s only a game, but myself and all my rugby mates are devastated.

Over the weekend I had saddened phone calls and text messages from mates in Australia, Hong Kong, London, the USA and from the actual game in Marseilles, France. Everyone is in shock.

The only thing that made me feel a little bit better was that the Kiwis CHOKED once again, and are also out. They were the unbackable favourites to win too.

Oh well, I just hope France or Argentina win now.

Anonymous

Most bloggers out there don’t have their photos posted on their blogs so you don’t really know what they look like. And even for those that do have photos, people always look different in real life.

So I wonder if you have ever come close, physically, to one of your fellow bloggers that you actually don’t know in real life.

I mean, I could be in a strip club watching some girls take their clothes off and not even realise it’s Steph, Enny and Jen up there on stage. And I wouldn’t know that the seedy guy next to me was Scorpy, and that the bouncer on the door was Max. And the waitress with the cute arse and big boobs was Miss Smack.

Or the beautiful girl at the French restaurant earlier in the night was Julia, or that the waitress was Nat. Or the cabbie that drove me to the strip club was Adrian.

At the bar, in between dinner and the club, was that Tabbie drunk in the corner hitting on Neily. And what about the two girls caught pashing outside – it could have easily been Rach and Eileen.

And those dodgy guys selling drugs out the front might have been Russ, Fingers and MJ?

And last month on that flight, it could have been WL that was that girl walking down the aisle, or Cazzie was the girl at the check-in desk.

And the couple at the pro-Howard march early that day was actually Sar & Gam, next to an excited looking Magic.

Interesting thought…

Mr Off My Head

You’ve probably already seen this photo below, but apparently someone was busted trying to smuggle ecstasy in a Mr Potato Head toy through the post.

I think the photo on the left was taken after Mr Potato Head swallowed a couple of the pills… looks like he’s off chops!

Racist

Yep, that’s right, SuferCam is a Racist – a Car Racist that is.

I don’t know about you, but when I am driving there are certain cars I won’t allow to get in front of me, let them merge or be nice to them in any way.

Tarago’s or other "People Movers" – get off the road! If you need to transport that many people, catch the train or a bus. And you never seem to know where you are going….

Cars with interstate number plates – living on the Gold Coast, there are hundreds of them aimlessly driving around trying to find their hotels or some tourist attraction. You are tourists therefore you’re not in a hurry, so you won’t be getting any leeway from me.

Cars with rent-a-car stickers – see above.

Mopeds – and other motor bikes that don’t travel much faster than walking pace, are another plague on our roads – there should be a law which allows us to run them over.

Buses – I don’t like how they can just pull out in front of anyone. However they are a bit bigger than me and I know who will come off second best.

Big Blokes in Little Cars – Fellas, save a few bucks and buy something bigger than a matchbox on shopping trolley wheels. I know some people can’t afford decent cars, but please don’t drive something that even your grandmother thinks is a bit girlie.

Women in Massive 4WD’s – scary! Why not just drive an armoured-tank instead…

And my ultimate hatred – Saabs. People think Volvo Drivers are the worst drivers in the world. But oh no, Saab Drivers are by far the worst.

This is not an exaggeration, but EVERY SINGLE TIME I am behind a Saab, it does something wrong – changes lanes without indicating or looking, nearly crashes, forgets to accelerate when the lights go green, swerves from lane to lane or brakes for absolutely no reason.

On many times I’ve been behind a Saab and said to my passenger, “here we go, watch this” and the next thing the Saab in front will almost veer off the road and crash. My passengers will often ask in shock, “how did you know something was going to happen?” to which I respond, “because it’s a Saab”.
Saab Drivers are a menace to society and should be put down.

On the flip side of all this, are the cars I give way too and allow them to get in front of me -

- Porsche, Audi, Mercedes Benz, Ferrari and any European sports cars - unless the person driving looks like a complete wanker!

- Classic cars - especially old Mercedes Benz's, Jag's or Ferrari's

- Any cars containing good looking women (except if the car was one of those black-listed above)

- Police cars - I'd rather be behind them, than in front...

- Ambulance and Fire Trucks - for obvious reasons.

Disclosure Statement : SurferCam has not, does not and never will own a Saab, not even if it was given to him. And SurferCam does not own a Volvo.

UPDATE : Forgot to add the following cars on the banned list :

- Lexus - sorry Steph, but all a Lexus is, is a Toyota with leather seats. People (i.e. Lexus owners and drivers) think they are a posh and luxury car. But the are not.

- Hyundai Excel - no matter how many exhausts, wings, body kits, tacho's and flashing lights you put on it, it is still an Excel.

- Old Commodores & Falcons - see above re Hyundai Excel.

Late for Work...

SurferCam was late to work this morning because :

(a) He got up early and took Boo for a walk at the beach?

(b) While walking at the beach came across a photo shoot?

(c) The photo shoot was of a model in a bikini?

(d) The model had very large breasts and he couldn’t stop staring?

(e) He thought it was going to turn into a porno shoot?

(f) He hoped and prayed it was going to turn into a porno shoot?

(g) Didn’t realise how long he had been watching the shoot, waiting for it to turn into a porno shoot?

(h) Finally realised he was already running late for work and still had to go home shower, shave and get ready?

(i) All of the above.

BIG Weekend!!!!

Holy Shit!

What a weekend.

For all those outside of Australia, we had the Australian Rules Football (No.1 football code) Grand Final on Saturday afternoon and the Rugby League (No.2 football code) Grand Final on Sunday night.

The weekend panned out like this :

Friday Night – quick couple of beers at the pub, then to a friends housewarming party. Took light beers as I was driving – light beers are crap and will not get you pissed, so I had a few shots. By time I left I promise I was sober. On the drive home, got followed by a car full of idiots but eventually lost them.

Saturday – out on a mate’s boat, then home to meet some eBayers who bought some shit from me. Off to the pub with a bunch of mates to watch Aussie Rules Grand Final. Game was virtually over by half time, so we went to Hooters for “afternoon tea”. Then went to dinner, came home and “fell asleep” drunk on the lounge room floor around 7pm. Awoke to find myself cuddled up with my dog – at least it was inside this time. Crawled into the Man-Cave. Woke up around 1am feeling like death, and got to experience Hooters chicken wings all over again…..

Sunday – coffee, then a great engagement party at friends house, was supposed to go to the Rugby League Grand Final at the pub afterwards, but instead watched it at home on the couch in my pj’s.